Sadness and Happiness

Yes, there is such a thing as sadness. Not everyone in the world is happy. Most of the time it's usually people keeping them-self in a state of no hope and "nothing's going to get better" yet they don't do anything to try to improve their situation or even search for happiness. I can't say that I've never been in that state, but it was usually only temporary. When people are already in a negative mood, it's just normal to feel like that. In my opinion, what matters is getting out of that state. Friends, a positive attitude, positive environment, and time will help people that are in a state of no hope. If you see someone's down, you should go try to talk and help them even if they don't want it. Try to make them smile even if you have to do the most ridiculous things to get a smile on their face. You never know; you could've saved someone's life at that moment or maybe changed a course of someone's life from going downhill to uphill. It's easier to fall down than to get up. A lot of people would choose to take the easy way out, but in reality, there is no easy way out unless you were born into a rich family or something. Nobody said life was easy and there is no guide to life. People have to experience moments, learn from them, and figure out the simple question "What will make me happy and how will I obtain that happiness?" For me, I realized that making someone's day makes me happy even if I'm in a bad mood and things are going so great. The feeling of making someone else better just makes myself feel better. This is also a reason why I make stupid, embarassing, bad YouTube videos; it's to cheer people up when they're down. I'd like to end this post with a quote from Virginia Satir. "Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is.The way you deal with it is what makes the difference."

Love

What is love exactly? Love is a touchy subject. I don't think love has a true definition because everyone has different meanings for love. My definition for love is an indescribable, unconditional affection that someone feels towards another whether they be a family member or someone they want to be with the rest of their life. I will update this post when I find my true love. I will end this post with lines from two different Japanese movies that I feel fit my definition of love.

僕の初恋をキミに捧ぐ (Boku no Hatsukoi o Kimi Ni Sasagu) ( I Give My First Love To You)

That I met you

That I fell in love with you

If I were to meet you again, even knowing such sadness awaits me

I'd definitely fall in love with you again.

恋空 (Koizora) (Sky Of Love)

If I had not met you that day,

then I would've not experienced that pain and sadness and memories filled with tears

But if I had not met you, 

I would also have not experienced that joy, excitement and memories filled with tears

Time

Today, I want to talk about time. TIME IS NOT MONEY, YOU CAN'T BUY TIME, NOW CAN YOU? In my opinion, time is the most precious thing in the world. It's the one thing you can give but never get back. Time is the one thing you give to make money, to spend time with friends, to do things you want to do, etc. Honestly, we don't have enough time in a day considering if most of us sleep at least 9 hours a day. That leaves us with only 15 hours to spend a day. If you bring showering, driving, getting ready, eating, into the equation, you easily have at most 10 hours to spend a day. With these ten hours, you have to choose what you want  to do with it.I have my regrets but there is nothing I can do about it now. Sadly, there's no such thing as going back in time. What matters is the time I have now to make sure the time I have in the future is what I want.For example, I wish I had spent more time with my mom and went shopping with her and stuff but I was young at the time and all I really thought about was video games. Also not too long ago, I had a fight with my dad on Whatsapp, I was a bit sad when my dad told me "No money can buy back the regret of not seeing you and Shayn grow up. Honestly, that remark he said put me into tears." Now that I've thought about it more, the past is the past and what's done is done. I'm probably going to forgive him today and hopefully he'll forgive me for the things I said because I was a bit angry. Anyways, time doesn't always work in your favor. Some of us don't know how much time we have left so that's why we should spend every second thinking, "Is what I'm doing now healthy for what's to come?" I have thought this to myself and I've come with the answer that it is not. I've been eating like shit, like a complete junk and this has to change. I know I have social issues and stuff but I can't just play League of Legends and hang around on Tinychat to avoid issues in real life. If I was in the future and looked back to what happened back then, I would be shaking my head at all the time I've wasted avoiding my problems. Alright that's probably enough blabbing for me for on day. I will try to write a blog once a week. Thanks for spending your time to read it. I hope it's helping the readers as much as it's helping me.

Thanks

This is going to be a short post. I've been out of it the past couple of days being negative and stupid, but I'm good now. Thanks guys and girls for the support. You know who you are.

I want to leave this post with something to keep on your mind. There will most likely be people in a worse situation then you and shit might happen to you but you have to get back up and keep going. Also, there will always be someone that cares about you so don't be afraid to talk to them. They WILL LISTEN TO YOU and BE THERE FOR YOU.

Currently Stressed zzzzzz

Hmm so The ME NOW. I'm eighteen right now and I'm into the Asian culture. I moved out in January 2015 over an argument with my parents. To sum it up they said "why don't you move out then?" and I said "OK". That's how I moved out. Moving out has been so stressful for me. Some days I don't even eat and when I do eat it's all junk food. It is hard to use the kitchen because of my roommates. I signed up for fifteen units at FLC before moving out. I was stressed out from working and school that I ended up dropping all my classes because of stress. To top it off, the teachers weren't that great as well, especially, if 75% of the students end up drop from your class, you're definitely doing something wrong. Well this is my life at the moment. Maybe it will be get better or maybe it will get worse. That is truly up to me to decide on the outcome of my future.

Middle school and High school

Middle School wasn't really the best for me. I was the "typical" nerdy Asian with all A's. I didn't really have any friends, and my best friend since elementary school, Tim, moved so I didn't really have anybody. To be honest, I was bullied and became depressed from it. The only thing that kept me going at the time was Call of Duty; it kept my mind off reality. Killing people on Call of Duty, let out the feelings I had bottled inside. I actually made a friend from Call of Duty. His name was Juan and he was in his thirties. I'm so glad I finished middle school and got it over with.

High school was about the same for me but my grades weren't all A's after freshman year. I started to get B's. Then I think I actually got a C senior year. I actually never went to any school dances except for one to spy on my brother and his date for my mom. Also, I'm embarrassed to say that I ditched my graduation because I didn't want to walk in front of all the parents and teachers. However, on the bright side, I finally made some friends that kind of understood me. There was a point where I really wanted to die but a friend I made from Call of Duty talked sense into me. I'm so glad he did because I wouldn't be where I am now without him. Then one day on thanksgiving during my senior year I was on Omegle and met a girl named Sandra with her friend Lucy under the kpop tag. They were both really cute in my opinion, and I ended up getting both of their Skype. I ended up talking to Sandra everyday on Skype. I will proudly say that Sandra was my first love. We would fall asleep together on call, and I really thought we had something special. We tried to meet up three times. This is where I wish I tried harder or that I got my driver's license. She gave up after the third time and after that she deleted me on Skype. We would still occasionally talk on Line.

I'm not writing this for people to feel bad about me. I'm writing to show people that they aren't alone. Everyone goes through problems in their life and you have to stay strong and fight through them. Also, I'm just writing for myself because it's my story and I want it to be kept somewhere if I was to die or something.

The Beginning

I was born September 9, 1996 in Malaysia. I can't really remember much from this time period in my life. However, I do remember that I spent a lot of time with my grandma which is probably why I love my grandma a lot and even now. She has always been taking care of all the grandchildren. I was lucky to be the first and now I get to be jealous of my younger cousins. Also, my parents haven't divorced yet during this time. Family is important to me. With that, I would like to share what family says. Family says Father and Mother I Love You. This is the true meaning of family.