Xmas Day 2015

Christmas came by so fast. I got really lucky today. On the way to my family dinner, I stopped by at a gas station. After I finished pumping up the gas, my car wouldn't start. I was in a panic because I didn't know what was wrong with it. I changed the battery about a week and a half ago so I really hoped that wasn't the problem. Turned out I just needed it to be jump started. Luckily, there was a girl that was nice enough to help me jump my car. Later, my stepdad found out that there was a loose screw on the battery so it wasn't complete connected. Anyways, I wish you all a merry Christmas.

Long Time No Blog

It's been a while since I last blogged. In fact, it's almost two months now. I thought it's time to start getting back into it. I can't believe it's already November. Two more months and the year is over. I'm super hyped for Thanksgiving this month. Just an update, my roommates had to move to Washington so now I'm renting a room with a friend in Folsom. There's a high chance in the near future I'll have to move again but I'll be moving with my friend that I'm staying with now. Another thing is I started playing Hearthstone and CSGO because League of Legends can sometimes be stressful. In addition to that, I've been watching animes and Korean dramas as well over the two months. I highly recommend watching Yong Pal. This drama is super good. The drama keeps you thinking and wanting to watch episode after episode. I literally finished this drama in two days; there's twenty-four episodes. That's just how good it was. I'd like to end this post with a quote. "Everything happens for a reason. But sometimes the reason is that you're stupid and you make bad decisions."  I hope you have a great day.

Happy Bday To Me

Today is my birthday but it seems like it'll just be like any other day. I'll be turning 19 and it'll be exactly a year being an adult; it will almost be a year for being on my own. What is my birthday wish? Well, I obviously can't tell you that or it won't come true. I hope I have a good day.

Check Out My New Youtube Video

Just for fun. :D   

Stay Strong

I'm keeping it short and simple today. In life, there will be struggles, problems, unfortunate events. Despite all this, we should stay strong and never give up. If you give up, you fail the people that support you, look up to you, and yourself. But don't worry you shouldn't even think about giving up. :)

Past, Present, Future

The past is history. The present is now. The future is yet to come. We already know this, but some of us still can't seem to move on from the past. And, some of us only look to the future because they can't stand the situation in the present. . The reason we study history is so we can move on in the present without making the same mistakes as we did in the past.To make this simple, the only way to have a good future is to focus on the present while using the past to not repeat the same mistakes. However, this isn't easy for everybody to do. Even a part of myself is still left in the past. If people are able to do this, they will be able to be happier and more successful in life.

Do good and do good

So last night, 8/12, I went to get pho for dinner at Vietnamese/Chinese restaurant near my apartment. This guy came in and started talking. It seemed like he was talking to me so I replied to him. It turned out he thought I was working at the restaurant. He talked about ordering his food two hours from now and left. After I finished eating and paid for my food, he came back. It was cool because he was really nice and gave the restaurant tips as well as giving me $3 to pay for half my meal. He insisted on me to take it and wouldn't let me refuse the money. I wanted to share this because meeting someone with that kind of kindness is probably one in five million. Also, you wouldn't really expect these nice gestures in the area I live in.

Today, I went to get chipotle for lunch and I happen to notice a guy with a sign saying he needed to work and get food. So after I got my food at chipotle, I walked to the guy and asked him if he needed food. We ended up walking to Burger King across the street and I got him a 5 dollar meal. I really thought this was a good way to give others the kindness that I received from the guy the night before. I doubt it'll happen but it would be nice if everyone was nice enough to do these kinds of acts.

A Poem/Song I Wrote

Scar In My Heart

When I met you
It felt like a dream
I never dreamed of

When I thought of you
It felt like a reality
I always dreamed of
You were my 첫사랑

But Now....
You're just a scar in my heart
Slowly ripping me apart
Eating away all that is me

When I was with you
It felt like a love story
I always wished for

When you left me
It felt like a nightmare
I never wished for
You were my 첫사랑

But Now....
You're just a scar in my heart
Slowly ripping me apart
Eating away all that is me

Are you missing me?
Cause I'm missing you
You were the only one for me
And I thought I was the only one for you

Wow it's been one year at Bel Air

Today is officially going to be one year that I have been working with Bel Air in Folsom. It's my first job and I'm glad that I like it as well. I enjoy talking to the customers and making their day better. Not just that but I also like helping them find things they can't find and help them load their groceries.

Interesting Quote For July

"Just because an intention is impure, doesn't mean the process is too."

Fables

Today, I wanted to share two fables that I found interesting.

The Scorpion and the Frog

One day, a scorpion meets a frog near a stream. The scorpion asks, "Can you carry me across the stream?" The frog replies, "How do I know you won't sting me?" Then, the scorpion says, "Because if I do, I will die too." The frog likes his answer and decides to give him the ride across the stream. As they were in midstream, the scorpion stings the frog. Just before they were about to drown, the frog asks, "Why did you do it?" The scorpion says, "It's my nature."

The moral of this story is don't be surprised by someone's actions. If it has always been their nature, why would you expect any different. 

The Farmer and the Viper

One winter a farmer found a viper frozen and numb with cold, and out of pity picked it up and placed it in his bosom. The viper was no sooner revived by the warmth. Not too long after he turned on the farmer and inflicted a fatal bite upon him. As the poor farmer was dying, he cried, "I have only got what I deserved, for taking compassion on so villainous a creature."

The moral of this story is that the greatest kindness will not bind the ungrateful. Another way to put this is kindness is thrown away upon the evil.

Our Cruel World

Our world is cruel. It's nothing new though. This is something everyone learns as they are growing up. People can be selfish, greedy, and desperate. Everyone to a degree is selfish but there are people that are just bad to the point they don't realize what their doing is wrong. For example, two months ago I forgot to put my windows up all the way on my car up and someone ended up sticking their hand through the window. He or she stole my GPS and work apron. I didn't see it happen of course, but it's what I believe happened and the only explanation for what happened. This to me seems kind of sad because it makes me think we have these kinds of pathetic people living in our world. These people aren't satisfied with just ruining their own life but they try to come and ruin others as well. I'm talking about people that go on killing sprees, bomb places, etc.

This even applies to bullies. When it comes to bullies whether it's physical or verbal, it still makes a huge impact to the life of the person they are bullying. Some of these people that get bullied end up committing suicide because they can't put up with it anymore. Of course, I can relate to this. I have been a victim of bullying. I can almost clearly remember all the time's I've been bullied. I know the names of the bullies too but I will keep that out.The first time I was bullied was in elementary school. In this instance, it was physical bullying because I guess I was a nerd or something. I think the kid that bullied me had stuff going on in their life and took it out on me. To be real, he was a fob so beating me up probably made him feel better or something. He stopped bullying me though after I ended up "tattle telling" on him. This kid ended up going to my middle school and high school. It was nice to see that he changed and became a better person. The bullying continued in middle school and early years of high school. These instances were more verbal bullying than anything and a bit of physical. I was the nerdy, Asian kid that got all A's and didn't have really any friends because I focused in my classes. I  believe the constant verbal bullying is what made me not try in school as much. I had all A's up to my second semester of freshman year. Not only that but it did also make me think of trying to kill myself. I never cut myself or anything. I think i was pretty strong for holding up until the point I was at. I think most kids would commit suicide at some point in my life. There was one incident during the bullying that I feel made me a socially awkward an anti social person. To add to that, it has given me trust issues. In this incident, it was in middle school and I thought I made a good friend. In time, I ended up getting bullied by him. I really don't know why but it happened.

This will lead me to my next post about having a true friend.

Story Time

After I got off work today, I went to fill up gas. As I left the gas station on the way to the street light, I noticed a lady with a sign saying she needed help with food. There were so many thoughts coming at that moment questioning whether I should help her or not. I ended up driving past her and parked somewhere nearby. I walked up to her and asked her if she wanted some Burger King. She said, "Yeah, anything." We went into Burger King and I asked her what she wanted. I didn't hint or imply that it had to be the cheapest thing on the menu but she seemed to insist on having something from the dollar menu. I ended up buying her a cheeseburger and left her with the change. I made the decision to buy her food because I kind of know what it feels like to not eat. Since I moved out, I eat once a day at least and some days I don't eat at all. I really don't know how to feel about what I did. I hope that lady was telling the truth when I asked her why she didn't have a job and stuff. I hope that she survives because that's what most of us try to do everyday and it makes me feel great that I was able to help. Well that is my story. I hope you enjoyed it. ^_^

Sadness and Happiness

Yes, there is such a thing as sadness. Not everyone in the world is happy. Most of the time it's usually people keeping them-self in a state of no hope and "nothing's going to get better" yet they don't do anything to try to improve their situation or even search for happiness. I can't say that I've never been in that state, but it was usually only temporary. When people are already in a negative mood, it's just normal to feel like that. In my opinion, what matters is getting out of that state. Friends, a positive attitude, positive environment, and time will help people that are in a state of no hope. If you see someone's down, you should go try to talk and help them even if they don't want it. Try to make them smile even if you have to do the most ridiculous things to get a smile on their face. You never know; you could've saved someone's life at that moment or maybe changed a course of someone's life from going downhill to uphill. It's easier to fall down than to get up. A lot of people would choose to take the easy way out, but in reality, there is no easy way out unless you were born into a rich family or something. Nobody said life was easy and there is no guide to life. People have to experience moments, learn from them, and figure out the simple question "What will make me happy and how will I obtain that happiness?" For me, I realized that making someone's day makes me happy even if I'm in a bad mood and things are going so great. The feeling of making someone else better just makes myself feel better. This is also a reason why I make stupid, embarassing, bad YouTube videos; it's to cheer people up when they're down. I'd like to end this post with a quote from Virginia Satir. "Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is.The way you deal with it is what makes the difference."

Love

What is love exactly? Love is a touchy subject. I don't think love has a true definition because everyone has different meanings for love. My definition for love is an indescribable, unconditional affection that someone feels towards another whether they be a family member or someone they want to be with the rest of their life. I will update this post when I find my true love. I will end this post with lines from two different Japanese movies that I feel fit my definition of love.

僕の初恋をキミに捧ぐ (Boku no Hatsukoi o Kimi Ni Sasagu) ( I Give My First Love To You)

That I met you

That I fell in love with you

If I were to meet you again, even knowing such sadness awaits me

I'd definitely fall in love with you again.

恋空 (Koizora) (Sky Of Love)

If I had not met you that day,

then I would've not experienced that pain and sadness and memories filled with tears

But if I had not met you, 

I would also have not experienced that joy, excitement and memories filled with tears

Time

Today, I want to talk about time. TIME IS NOT MONEY, YOU CAN'T BUY TIME, NOW CAN YOU? In my opinion, time is the most precious thing in the world. It's the one thing you can give but never get back. Time is the one thing you give to make money, to spend time with friends, to do things you want to do, etc. Honestly, we don't have enough time in a day considering if most of us sleep at least 9 hours a day. That leaves us with only 15 hours to spend a day. If you bring showering, driving, getting ready, eating, into the equation, you easily have at most 10 hours to spend a day. With these ten hours, you have to choose what you want  to do with it.I have my regrets but there is nothing I can do about it now. Sadly, there's no such thing as going back in time. What matters is the time I have now to make sure the time I have in the future is what I want.For example, I wish I had spent more time with my mom and went shopping with her and stuff but I was young at the time and all I really thought about was video games. Also not too long ago, I had a fight with my dad on Whatsapp, I was a bit sad when my dad told me "No money can buy back the regret of not seeing you and Shayn grow up. Honestly, that remark he said put me into tears." Now that I've thought about it more, the past is the past and what's done is done. I'm probably going to forgive him today and hopefully he'll forgive me for the things I said because I was a bit angry. Anyways, time doesn't always work in your favor. Some of us don't know how much time we have left so that's why we should spend every second thinking, "Is what I'm doing now healthy for what's to come?" I have thought this to myself and I've come with the answer that it is not. I've been eating like shit, like a complete junk and this has to change. I know I have social issues and stuff but I can't just play League of Legends and hang around on Tinychat to avoid issues in real life. If I was in the future and looked back to what happened back then, I would be shaking my head at all the time I've wasted avoiding my problems. Alright that's probably enough blabbing for me for on day. I will try to write a blog once a week. Thanks for spending your time to read it. I hope it's helping the readers as much as it's helping me.

Thanks

This is going to be a short post. I've been out of it the past couple of days being negative and stupid, but I'm good now. Thanks guys and girls for the support. You know who you are.

I want to leave this post with something to keep on your mind. There will most likely be people in a worse situation then you and shit might happen to you but you have to get back up and keep going. Also, there will always be someone that cares about you so don't be afraid to talk to them. They WILL LISTEN TO YOU and BE THERE FOR YOU.

Currently Stressed zzzzzz

Hmm so The ME NOW. I'm eighteen right now and I'm into the Asian culture. I moved out in January 2015 over an argument with my parents. To sum it up they said "why don't you move out then?" and I said "OK". That's how I moved out. Moving out has been so stressful for me. Some days I don't even eat and when I do eat it's all junk food. It is hard to use the kitchen because of my roommates. I signed up for fifteen units at FLC before moving out. I was stressed out from working and school that I ended up dropping all my classes because of stress. To top it off, the teachers weren't that great as well, especially, if 75% of the students end up drop from your class, you're definitely doing something wrong. Well this is my life at the moment. Maybe it will be get better or maybe it will get worse. That is truly up to me to decide on the outcome of my future.

Middle school and High school

Middle School wasn't really the best for me. I was the "typical" nerdy Asian with all A's. I didn't really have any friends, and my best friend since elementary school, Tim, moved so I didn't really have anybody. To be honest, I was bullied and became depressed from it. The only thing that kept me going at the time was Call of Duty; it kept my mind off reality. Killing people on Call of Duty, let out the feelings I had bottled inside. I actually made a friend from Call of Duty. His name was Juan and he was in his thirties. I'm so glad I finished middle school and got it over with.

High school was about the same for me but my grades weren't all A's after freshman year. I started to get B's. Then I think I actually got a C senior year. I actually never went to any school dances except for one to spy on my brother and his date for my mom. Also, I'm embarrassed to say that I ditched my graduation because I didn't want to walk in front of all the parents and teachers. However, on the bright side, I finally made some friends that kind of understood me. There was a point where I really wanted to die but a friend I made from Call of Duty talked sense into me. I'm so glad he did because I wouldn't be where I am now without him. Then one day on thanksgiving during my senior year I was on Omegle and met a girl named Sandra with her friend Lucy under the kpop tag. They were both really cute in my opinion, and I ended up getting both of their Skype. I ended up talking to Sandra everyday on Skype. I will proudly say that Sandra was my first love. We would fall asleep together on call, and I really thought we had something special. We tried to meet up three times. This is where I wish I tried harder or that I got my driver's license. She gave up after the third time and after that she deleted me on Skype. We would still occasionally talk on Line.

I'm not writing this for people to feel bad about me. I'm writing to show people that they aren't alone. Everyone goes through problems in their life and you have to stay strong and fight through them. Also, I'm just writing for myself because it's my story and I want it to be kept somewhere if I was to die or something.

The Beginning

I was born September 9, 1996 in Malaysia. I can't really remember much from this time period in my life. However, I do remember that I spent a lot of time with my grandma which is probably why I love my grandma a lot and even now. She has always been taking care of all the grandchildren. I was lucky to be the first and now I get to be jealous of my younger cousins. Also, my parents haven't divorced yet during this time. Family is important to me. With that, I would like to share what family says. Family says Father and Mother I Love You. This is the true meaning of family.